Finding A Black Guy: Dating Woes For Seattle’s Black Ladies

Seattle days columnist Jerry big penned concerning the experience that is black Seattle by which black ladies reported regarding how few black colored males there have been up to now. One girl stated to “bring your very own black colored guys (or ladies) up to now because Seattle is difficult on black colored ladies’ dating aspirations.”

Significantly more than 10 years later on, black females state that is nevertheless the truth.

And that’s why, in component, Margo Jones discovers herself when a thirty days at Sea-Tac Airport, either picking right up her boyfriend Ramonde Carpenter, or traveling off to nyc to check out him.

On a present Monday, it had been their move to see, when he arrived, they laughed and hugged and kissed. Without doubt about any of it: these were completely in love.

The travel might be costly and exhausting, however for Jones, it is much better than no relationship after all. She echoed the women in Large’s column, stating that it is extremely difficult to get a man that is black date in Seattle.

University of Washington sociologists Stewart Tolnay and Kyle Crowder called it the “marriage squeeze,” noting the rate that is declining of ladies engaged and getting married.

Within the last 40 years, black colored ladies have experienced a harder time finding black colored males to marry for various reasons – high mortality, high incarceration prices and interracial wedding.

For solitary black colored females, that may suggest being ready to venture out. That’s just just just just what it indicates for 37-year-old Marquetta Riley, anyhow.

A tall, fit woman, stood before her vanity, a full spread of makeup and hair products in front of her on a recent Friday night, Riley. Her makeup brushes made a tapping noise as she dusted down her last application of attention shadow and powder.

“I’ve surely got to get beautified,” she said, laughing. “A small makeup, only a little blush, a small attention shadow. Ah, a great deal of attention shadow.”

Riley happens to be in relationships before, many of them distance that is long. With this Friday evening, she’s meeting an ex-boyfriend from 14 years back for dinner – he called her hours before from l . a ., saying he will be in Seattle around 7 p.m.

She’s got a kind: “Dark skinned, tall, lean, like athletic-build black colored males. That’s all I’m interested in,” she stated. Difficult to get that key in Seattle – or even find one that’sn’t timid, she said.

As an example, 30 days ago Riley is at a bar-restaurant called Cactus whenever she spotted a nice-looking man that is black.

“I happened to be like, ‘in which do you originate from, black colored guy that is therefore attractive?’” she said. “Because that is few and far between too! And then he kept switching around evaluating me personally for around 45 mins. He never ever when stated hello, he never ever provided the person that is black nod – nothing, guess what happens i am talking about, absolutely absolutely absolutely absolutely nothing!

“If we had been an additional town I would personally have at the very least got the, ‘Hey, the manner in which you doing?’” she stated.

She said that she’s come to realize that the men she prefers don’t live in Seattle as she prepared for this Friday night.

And thus a dilemma is faced by her: “I’m able to select my job and my entire life right here, or I’m able to proceed to be happier an additional percentage of my entire life. So is it better in my situation to be in a relationship for me to be successful and independent or is it more important? That’s the relevant concern.”

Family therapist Heidi Henderson-Lewis stated she’d encourage black colored females like Riley to help keep an mind that is open especially here in Seattle.

Henderson-Lewis counsels couples that are black she also features a help team called the “black wedding movement.”

“There’s this term we use within the world, plus it’s called ‘scotoma,’ plus it’s fundamentally blinders, you merely see just what you would like,” Henderson-Lewis said. “You’ll find a way to remove those scotomas you may need, and you also could possibly note that there are some other males available to you that may allow you to be pleased. in the event that you increase your opinions of what’s good, and what”

straight straight Back at Sea-Tac Airport, Ramonde Carpenter stated he intends to proceed to Seattle into the the following year or two. Jones stated she’s happy to wait – after all, she’s waited this long.

Proceed with the hashtag #blackinseattle on Twitter and include your concerns and insights.

Funding for Ebony In Seattle ended up being supplied by the KUOW Program Venture Fund. Contributors consist of Paul and Laurie Ahern dating middle eastern men, the KUOW Board of Directors and Listener members.